The Gospel according St Tony

Roll up, roll up, get your signed copy of the Gospel according to St Tony at £150 a throw. He’s going to give the proceeds – your money – to the British Legion. No mention yet as to how Iraqis and victims of Blair’s wars will be helped. Will he perform the ultimate miracle and bring them back to life?
Hard to remember but there weren’t always those who revered him in the Labour Party. As Birmingham City Council candidates we all went across to Coventry in the late nineties for a photo opportunity with TB. Except my agent, Gurdev Manku, wouldn’t let me. “You’ll lose” he warned. He was probably right in the area we both represented. In 2001 I remember going across to Meriden to support Christine Shawcroft, a like-minded parliamentary candidate for Meriden. It was another TB who adorned her leaflet – Tony Benn no less, and we had the great delight of hearing the man deliver his speech in support for Christine, a long standing member of Labour’s NEC.
As for the Biblical memoirs, if you don’t want it covered in a purple cloth and signed in blood then you can get it at Amazon at £12.50, half price. Mandelson’s memoirs the same. Alastair Campbell’s account is a little cheaper though. Since Gospel is something to do with telling the truth, which one lives up the closest. Does any one of them shed light, for instance, on the death of a scientist?
I wouldn’t pay a brass farthing for the whole bundle personally.

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