Monthly Archives: March 2014

Gaza perspective on Mothers’ Day. From Mohammad Arafat

This gift is for those mothers who died in all over the world….
To My Non-existent Mother
I don`t know how long you have been died. I don`t remember or even I don`t want to try to remember that. My brain forces me to think about you and my heart also does. I`m living without those brain and heart. They are apart from me. I don`t want to think about your death. I just want to let my little mouth speak about your humanness with me and my brothers and sisters, but I don`t think I can keep my sorrow inside my heart without telling it to you during these lines.
Mum, I missed your voice that used to call my name in every morning before going to school with my little brother. I was always going to school, but now I`m not. I don`t need the school because I`m looking for a job to feed my sisters and brothers that you left. I missed the tea you used to make for me. I loved the tea so much as the heart loves the Oxygen. But now, I forced myself not to love it and not even to think of it. Mum, I missed your everyday kiss. You used to kiss me every day while waiting the bus of the school. Do you remember that? I think you missed that too. Mum, I need your face that was always emerging and smiling at me whenever I enter the home after going back from the school. I missed your stories that you were narrating to me before sleeping every day. I missed your voice and your small mouth that was speaking to me. I missed the times that I used to see you in when you were praying in the midnight. Mum, I know you were praying for me and for my family. Mum, I missed the days that I was sick in. You were not sleeping. You used to force yourself to stay with me in every night I was sick in. Mum, I cannot complete. I really want to stop talking about those fabulous things. My soul missed all of those things and missed the founder of them.
Mum, I cannot form words to tell you my story after your death. I`m so depressed and down. Many gave me help. Many took after me. Many sympathized me, but actually no one of them could replace your humanness and love with me and my family. All my words are frozen between my throat and my tongue. I don`t have hands to melt those words. I don`t have brain to do something for them. I`m just a dead body with a soul without senses after you left. The only thing that can melt those words is your returning to me. I know you have gone without returning, but I know I will travel to you to Paradise soon.
Mum, I don`t know where to begin. I don`t know how to begin. I don`t know how to speak and how to form words, but I will try. I don`t know what will happen to my sisters and brothers that you left. I know what happened to my dad. I want to tell you what happened to him, but I`m afraid I hurt you. But I will tell you his story. Mum, my dad has passed away after two months of your death. He got a clot in his brain that drove him to paralysis. I with my brothers and sisters could not help him. We could not know what he needed and what we had to do for him because we are still babies and we don`t understand the life well. After two days of his paralyzing, he passed away. No one helped us in burying him. We begged for help from many, but they were just deaf. So, we did our best to drive him to the grave yard. We found a cart in the street. We carried our dad on it and went to the grave yard. We just put him beside an empty tomb without burying him. We asked God to look after him then. My mum, sorry for making you sad about my dad`s story, but that is the truth.
Mum, if you were here with us, we would never see what happened to us. Ahhh my mum, no one feels what we felt. No one sees what we saw. No one can tolerate what we tolerated. Every child in this life has a mum and a dad except me. I cannot deny that many children lost their parents, but I`m sure that what happened to me did not happen to anyone. I`m the only one who lives without a mother.
Mum, I`m still nine years old and I`m the eldest between my brothers and sisters. My responsibilities began to be increased for my brothers and sisters after your and my dad`s death.
Mum, I don`t want to increase my and your sorrow. What I said is enough. I don`t want to remember what happened to you and my dad. I just wrote you this letter to congratulate you in this holy day, the mother day.
Happy mother day to you my non-existent mother.
This is a gift for the non-existent mothers who died during the wars in Palestine, Syria, Egypt and in all over the world.
Done by: Mohammad Arafat